Why We Need The Pop Music Axis Of Evil

It is the easiest thing in the world to jump on the Bandwagon of Hate and spout our abhorrence at the popularity of, not just the five people I have featured above, but a whole myriad of terrible artists who produce terrible music.  Being negative is so much easier than being positive that the Bandwagon of Hate is full to overflowing, and there is barely any room for anyone else to jump on board.  

However, in attempting to put a positive spin on the state of popular music today, it quickly became apparent that these very same people are exactly what is needed in the music industry today.  Let me explain.  Popular music has always been shit.  Always.  Now, very few of you will have been around to remember music from the 50s and 60s as it was being produced, but I'm willing to wager that most of you will immediately think of the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, and a whole host of other seminal musical geniuses who have brought so much to the industry.  "You just don't get bands like that any more. I wish I could have lived back then when some of the best music ever to be created was topping the charts." By comparison, you probably think you live in a wasteland of creative nothingness; where record companies regurgitate musical superficiality on the masses.  But back in the 50s and 60s, the young people of that day would have been saying almost exactly the same thing. 

In April of 1950, Eileen Barton was top of the Billboard charts with If I Knew You Were Comin' I'd've Baked a Cake.  Even nostalgia cannot temper how bland and frankly bad this song is, its only redeemable quality being the title boasting an impressive three apostrophes. In 1953 That Doggie In The Window was number one for two whole months, and in 1962 it was the almost unbearable Lion Sleeps Tonight.  For every enduring icon like Tony Bennett and Elvis Presley, there were about ten bands you've never heard of who were topping the charts. Many of them were just as manufactured as Justin Bieber is today, and some were just as all-encompassingly loathsome. 

How many (US) number ones do you think some of the most seminal artists of all time have achieved? Discounting The Beatles, whose freakish genius excludes them from most comparative lists, you'd be surprised to find, not many.  Led Zeppelin? None. Jimi Hendrix? None. Bob Dylan? None. Bob Marley? None. Creedence Clearwater Revival? None. Radiohead? None. Little Richard? None. James Brown? None. Frank Zappa? None. Bo Diddley? None. Jerry Lee Lewis? None. Jackie Wilson? None. Smokey Robinson? None. Grateful Dead? None. Johnny Cash? None. The Who? None. Pink Floyd? A staggering ...one. 

Popular music is a very misleading term, for it doesn't take into account a time frame to give that popularity context.  Without Googling, tell me who released the biggest one hit wonder of all time; Macarena ... Unless you move in very strangely niche musical circles, you won't have a clue, despite the fact that it stayed top of the Billboard for over 14 weeks, remained in the Top 100 for 60 weeks, brought about its own Guinness World Record, spawned thirteen other versions, and sold over 11 million copies.  Are the architects of such a track (Los del Río, by the way) considered popular?  I thoroughly hope not.  There are two different types of popularity therefore.  Present Popularity encompasses everything that is selling well in the charts along with much of that which receives critical acclaim in the here and now.  While the best chart position a band like Noah and the Whale have managed to achieve in 2011 is #14 with L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N., they have an air of endurance about them that will be remembered for decades to come. Or Kasabian, who have only managed three top ten hits from their 15-single back catalogue, are sure to be rocking venues for many years hence.  Their popularity is undeniable, if not reflected in the charts.  Therefore along with Present Popularity, they are likely contenders for Enduring Popularity.  Of course, time will tell.

The Pop Music Axis of Evil spans many decades and includes hundreds of artists, not just those of today.

On the other hand, the ludicrously popular acts that have been dominating the charts for the past few years, do not have that same air of endurability about them.  Since 2000, the artists that have been hitting the Billboard top spot has been an unhealthy mix of reality talent show winners (and losers), New Hip Hop(NHH)*, and other assorted terrifying pop slurry.  In fact, since the turn of the century there have been precisely four bands that have reached Number One, and by bans I mean, vocalist, guitarist(s), and drummer.  The Billboard has been completely saturated, some might say smothered, by NHH artist after NHH artist, or wide-eyed open-mouthed pop starlet featuring NHH artist, or two NHH artists featuring a pop starlet.  Some track titles of those number ones include; Bootylicious, Buy You A Drank (Shawty Snappin'), Bump Bump Bump, In Da Club, Gold Digger, Love In This Club, Like A G6, This Is Why I'm Hot, and the ever insufferable Moves Like Jagger. 

The charts have been dominated by people singing about being awesome and/or sexy, having or acquiring sex, and indeed having or acquiring everything else.  Many songs take place in, on the way to, or returning from a club, and the vast majority treat trivial matters such as record label disputes, not having enough (or too much) jewellery, and others not being as awesome as they are, as mostly serious issues.  It is interesting that in these times of economic uncertainty, the proliferation of songs featuring such excess are increasing ever more rapidly.  Rappers' cars are getting bigger, they are now wearing more than one Rolex at any one time, and they can afford to have at least four hos on their payroll.  When excruciating artists such as Justin Bieber or Jessie J need some kind of credibility in their music, they will undoubtedly get a NHH artist to feature on their latest single.  The easy acquisition of music thanks to the Internet, and indeed the Internet's own ability to create many new pop stars, has brought about this vastly deep well of terrible music.  The music itself is just as bad as pop music has always been, but the sheer volume of it could lead people to be forgiven for thinking that pop has never been worse than it is now.

So, does this mean we should be depressed or angry about the state of popular music?  Well no, of course not.  The fact that Pop has two definitions in music means the vast majority of the Present Pop music will be a distant memory in years to come.  Talk to middle-aged women of today about the Bay City Rollers, Barry Blue or The Rubettes and they will undoubtedly roll their eyes and look embarrassed. The fans of the day no longer want to remember the bands they would have given their left arm to meet mere decades before.  The same will happen again. And again. And again. Until either the end of the world as we know it, or at least until you need a Government-issued license to practice good music. 


However, getting on to the subject of why we actually need this Pop Music Axis of Evil. It's really quite simple. Know your enemy.  Everything from butterflies, to octopuses, tree frogs to baboons display how dangerous they are as a prominent warning to others to stay away.  These bright colours and explicit signs are very important for other animals in knowing who to avoid and who makes good eating.  In the same sense, then, are 'loud' dresses and extravagant displays just as important for music lovers to know which artist they should avoid.  Those attracted to bright colours and superficial light shows will be helplessly drawn in, and all we can do is watch as we move elsewhere along our musical journey.


The Pop Axis of Evil spans decades and encompasses hundreds of artists.  Thankfully they have made it easy for us to spot them, as their music will always come second to some other facet of their act. Whether that be showy displays of supposed controversy, how they behave at awards ceremonies, their dress sense, or some other shallow act of attempted dominance that overrides their music. These people are needed in the industry so that we can find whatever their opposite number is, and head in that direction.  No sustenance can be gained from feeding off the poison that coats the skin of the Greater Spotted Gaga or the Glitter Crested Ke$ha. Much better is it to lie in wait for a more wholesome band, or spend many days tracking an Enduringly Popular artist that you can then feed off for many years to come.


*NHH, or New Hip Hop bears very little resemblance to the Hip Hop that originated in 1970s Bronx. New Hip Hop encompasses, but is not exclusive to modern Gangster Rap. Unfortunately it has superseded and all-but replaced Hip Hop.

Parklife Brisbane @ Botanical Gardens, Brisbane (26/09/09)

It might have surprised anyone not familiar with a typical Brisbane climate to learn that even though it’s not summer yet, Mother Nature had turned up the heat to a stroke-inducing 32º, leaving many people to think we were in the throes of a heat wave. However such was the lot of the Parklife faithful who had a blisteringly good day to soak in some sun, some alcohol, and some killer music.

With any festival, it is obviously impossible to cover every single act, and, as much as that was the intention, some were missed, but one early starter who deserved not to be missed was Junkbeats opening up the Air Stage. Coming out with their live show, they won over the crowd early by employing the services of dancing animals to throw candy at the crowd. Dave Basek had an auxiliary-percussion back up working overtime to compensate the smooth House he was laying out.

Early on in the Fire Stage’s day, Fans! DJs showed off some nice mixing and mashing and was a good accompaniment to the early afternoon vibe that permeated around the area, stretching from the Earth Stage, through Woods, and up to Fire. When 99 Problems, the most overused track in most mix bags, was spun, it was time to venture further into the Botanic Gardens.

That venture turned into more of trek, but before a Sherpa’s services were called upon, the winding track was finally negotiated and opened up to the Riverstage, and to the sounds of Miami Horror who by lunchtime, had claimed most of the Parklife crowd. Front of stage was already packed, bodies heaving to the Melbourne-based band’s ‘80s inspired electro. Down front wouldn’t have had any sounds issues, but it certainly didn’t seem loud enough to fill the ears of those taking in the view from the top of the hill.

Taking it down tempo a notch were Dubmarine, one of Brisbane’s best homegrown Dub and Reggae bands, at the Woods Stage. D-Kaz Man was giving it his all on the man, stirring the passing crowd into bouncing along to tracks including their infectiously Eastern inspired track Singie and finishing up with the funky Dancehall beats of Pass It On. The only problem with the Woods Stage was that it did seem somewhat sandwiched between the three other intermediate stages, so it was on occasion difficult to concentrate on an act without hearing the dull thud of a different tempo emanating from elsewhere. However, the roar of the crowd was unmistakable, and, as Dubmarine were packing up and making way for The Loops of Fury, the rapturous ovation demanded investigation.

Coming from the Air Stage, it was the sounds of Art vs Science filling its own corner of the Gardens with their fiery and blistering performance. Their ballsy set got into full flow with the likes of Parlez Vous Francais?, New Order and they kept the energy and the pace rocking with the biggest track of their show, Flippers. The hill in front of the Air Stage writhed as one wave of people, with thousands lapping up the raw energy of the boys’ set, and the dial was turned to 11 when they came out with a brilliantly original cover of Where’s Your Head At.

The Loops of Fury were doing a great job with the relatively small stage they were given, packing out the makeshift dancefloor as best they could and throwing out some bassy breaks in the afternoon sun. Operon tried to keep the energy going and it was all looking good but for some lacklustre MCing and a technical hitch here or there emptying the floor out somewhat. When the music he produces is so good, it’s better to let it speak for itself rather than blare over the top of it.

With the intention of catching a bit of Little Boots, preparations were made and provisions packed for the second expedition towards Riverstage. Obviously weather conditions were too treacherous as our party were informed that capacity was reached and the stage was closed. The Air Stage made a good base camp though and we were more than rewarded with a solid set from Autokratz. The London duo rocking out with some electronica liveliness in the form of What You Want, What You Got and a blinding cover of Primal Scream’s Swastika Eyes.

Not getting to the Riverstage had been a wise move as it might have meant missing one of the highlights of the Air Stage. The host for the venue, Busy P took his turn on the decks and blew everyone away with an absolutely banging set that started off with a certain Italian duo’s hardcore release Warp that you might just have heard of, and only got better from there. The crowd looked to be enjoying it almost as much as he was, especially with one fan showing him two particular motivational aids.

Highlight of the day was the Earth Stage in general. Few stages had the consistency of greatness on display here, none more so than Junior Boys. Their chilled out electronica suited the stage and the atmosphere perfectly. In The Morning typified a perfectly balanced and laidback style that ran throughout the set, Jeremy’s finely tuned vocals suiting Matt’s skilled production down to a tee.

Reaching the summit of Riverstage once more it was clear to see (or hear) that the sound restrictions were only going to become more intrusive as the night wore on, so what was indeed a great performance from The Aston Shuffle, with For Everyone a definite highlight from the ACT boys, was somewhat dampened by the curbing of the noise. If you weren’t in the thick of the pit front of stage and prepared to stay for the whole day then you were going to miss out.

Coming back down to Earth, the second half of the greatest piece of lineup scheduling was well under way, as Aeroplane carried on immaculately with the vibe that Junior Boys had carved out. The space in front of the stage lent itself well to having lots of room, and as a result it was the sanctuary within the park. Plus, when you have the smoothest of DJ sets from the likes of these Belgian maestros then you have a recipe for a perfect festival experience. Every track they laid out, from Joris Voorn’s Sweep The Floor to some subtle inclusions of their own making like Now Til ‘69, was met with stoic appreciation from the happiest crowd in the park. They brought the sun down over the park with their minimal tech and there was simply no better way to meet the dusk.

The draw of the Air Stage was ever present and it was difficult to miss Erol Alkan who pulled off one of the most eclectic sets of the day. Combining a healthy dose of disco house, jungle, bass heavy breaks and driving techno, there was something for every raver in the crowd. The Gossip had never sounded so good after Joakim had finished with a powerful mix of their big sounding Heavy Cross.

Catching Tiga finish up the day at Air Stage was a sight to behold. The strobes dousing the crowd in intermittent blue rays of intense energy gave the whole area a vibrancy that seemed to represent the electricity that had been building up at the Air Stage all day. This exploded in raptures when he dropped his signature Mind Dimension, one of the strangest but most compelling tracks to come out of the Montreal house scene in years. Never has a DJ so seemingly unassuming had so much success with a track that can hold one note for so long.

Not wanting to stay away from the best stage in the park it was back to Earth and back to minimal with Claude Von Stroke sealing the deal on Parklife for the night. His dark and seedy samples, the smoky and melodic synths all framed within a subtle but contagious beat, was an overpowering concoction of superior electro that rounded off the day beautifully and left those who had found the jewel in the crown of Parklife wanting more.

Shapeshifter @ The Hi Fi, Brisbane (11/09/09)

When this Kiwi live act is described in press cuttings and reviews, the words “dynamic” and “explosive” are often the first that wordsmiths go for. The only problem with these terms, aside from being repeated time and again, is that they don’t go far enough in describing the complexity of their euphonic brilliance. Almost a year ago to the day, Shapeshifter were showing The Zoo what it was like to take a chunk of New Zealand’s greatest music and plant it firmly in Brisbane for a night.

A year on and the anticipation of a great night of drum n bass hadn’t changed, just the venue had. With The Hi Fi hosting Shapeshifter for the first time (though with most members being individually familiar with the place), there was the potential for a bigger crowd and a bigger sound.

First though, it was down to Sunshine Sound System to lay the foundations of the evening and they more than answered the call to arms. With Downtown Brown manning the wheels of steel and mixing in some infectious hip hop beats, and Killa Puha and MC Switch on the mic, ushering the crowd to get some drinks down them and dance, there were few left in the crowd who didn’t feel the need to move.

Giving us the fundamentals of breaking down a track and mixing it in with some matching loops and vibes, Brown was displaying how: one track added to one track, makes one track, multiplied by the spirit of both. Trust me, it made sense at the time, and was this reviewer’s excuse for getting down to some Red Red Wine by British jamsters UB40 mixed in with some righteous hip hop flavour.

Puha and Switch also showed off their freestyling skills, getting the crowd to lift up anything so they could rhyme off about it, all to the rhythm of a reggae-inspired reworking of No Diggity. The boys weren’t just showing off their skills on the mic when it came to fresestyling, but in keeping the crowd geed up as best they could, especially when, half an hour after their due time, Shapeshifter were still nowhere to be seen.

Puha had been crying out “are you ready!?” for about half an hour, and the answer was now an emphatic and resounding “yes!” So when Tiki Taane, Shapeshifter’s touring sound man and live legend in his own right, took to his desk as his ownhis hip hop thumper R U Ready? rang out, it was clear that things were beginning to move.

A sign of just how desperate the crowd was getting for the band came as Red from the band came out and, in testing his bass drum, got an unexpectedly huge roar from the crowd. This faded into a whisper however, compared to the sound The Hi Fi made when he was joined by the rest of the boys. It was the kind of cheer that you don’t just hear, you feel, inside your head and throughout your body. The guys always look genuinely pleased to be in each city, and often say as much. Tonight was no different, because this particular city was genuinely pleased to see them.

Some old favourites got people in the mood early, with New Day Come blending seamlessly into Bring Change. If you’re a fan of these guys then you’ll know that these tracks are their old faithfuls and are well on their way to being established as Drum n Bass classics, and a staple in any serious DnB fan’s collection. They dropped these two in the same order last year and they’ll keep doing it as long as the people keep loving it. Personal favourite Electric Dream kept the Hi Fi’s sound system busy as it poured out thick bass. The signature electronica of the track had never sounded so crisp and the grinding backing synths nearly blew some hoodies off the crowd as it tore through the room. It was the kind of relentless hardcore that you can feel lift you off your feet and make you do anything but remain static.

This was mercifully followed up by some smooth liquid dnb with a jazzy edge and allowed for some slow grooning from side to side as people caught their breaths listening to Devin work his magic on the sax. But it didn’t last long as an unknown 2-step track from the new album showed off the drummer’s vast array of skills, going from a banging bass-mongering terrier of a tune to finishing in a percussive flurry of jungle floor toms.

Possibly the highlight of the night came in the form of an astoundingly explosive (yes I did just say “explosive”) version of Stryka. The 2-step intro is already powerful enough but with the added reverb and amplified bass that was latched onto it, it was the essence of cool in musical form. Hands floated in the air in front of you as you twisted your body and ground your shoulders to the techy riff laid over the top. Then the dark breakdown hits and you’re left swooning and waiting for the all-too-brief buildup which soon comes in an overwhelming wave of effects and percussion.

You watch the people as they begin to rise to their toes and lift their hands until the shockwave dealt out by the DnB climax shakes people violently; arms flailing and heads going off on neck-cracking tangents. When the 2-step kicks back in it’s even more pronounced and that’s you for the rest of the track; flipping between the two and feeling heightened all the way along.

The end of the set proper came in the form of new track Metals that gave Sam the freedom to rock out, with some punk-inspired hard and heavy guitars pounding through the equally hard and heavy DnB beats. It ended the set on a high, and left everyone wanting more, which they of course got. After some rhythmic floor stomping and chants from the crowd, they came out to finish the night with one of their more special tunes.

One is the kind of track that, if you’re a fan of Shapeshifter, is very personal but at the same time makes you feel an affinity with your fellow fan. It typified a set that had no surprises; they mostly end their encores with One. However just like the familiarity with the set itself, the track provides a warmth and respect that, coupled with the security brought about by P Digsss’ smooth vocals, culminates in a track that brings all the Kiwis home to their land, and all the rest of us yearning to visit the kind of place that could produce such musical forces of nature.

Jack'd High: Barefoot Bowls @ Toowong Bowls Club, Brisbane (05/09/09)

It was a mild Saturday afternoon and all was set for a nice quiet game of bowls down at the Toowong Bowls Club. Some of the old regulars were polishing their bowls and getting ready to line up the jack, puzzled but unperturbed by the lack of fellow bowlers. Sadly for them, no one had told them that the Jack’d High circus was rolling into town and wouldn’t be leaving ‘til well into the wee small ours.

Things were kicking off at 5pm and by that time the Bowls Club was already overrun with punters ready to take advantage of the “attractive” drinks offers and the prospect of coming away with top prize in the eventual bowls comp. The outside tent was set up for some smooth and steady beats while indoors was going to be focusing on the slightly harder stuff.

Verner made his mark with some impressive hip hop beats that had a bevy of fans grooving in the evening light, but when the tent gave way to Dan Gavel the beats turned up a notch and had the green vibrating. The sun had truly set and in the light of the full moon the atmosphere was one of happily fuelled punters and enjoyable banter.

Ducking indoors and, despite having half the people appreciating his stellar form,Chappo had twice the bass pumping through the speakers. There was a nice balance of big beat rhythms with some juicy tech, and all came together in the form of a very crisp and inviting set.
The casual bowls continued well into the night; though perhaps without the same level of skill that had (mostly) been on display during the comp earlier in the night. IndoorsCosmo Carter had taken over the reigns and was inspiring some dangerously athletic dancefloor moves by some of the more “jovial” punters with his proficiently old school set. Despite the low numbers, the thin crowd that did remain had a similar energy to any up-for-it crowd you’d see in the Valley on a typical Saturday night.
Outdoors it was left up to Manuka to finish proceedings and it was done in style with some wonderfully laid back psy-inspired beats that really captured the mood of the evening. The dropping of Underworld’s Dark & Long emphasised this mood completely and was a perfect choice to capture the soul of the evening outdoors. It was a night of hard drinking, yes, but it was also a night to sit back, take in the beautiful evening, and enjoy the surrounds of people dancing to good music and others trying to bowl. The total lack of stress was not only reflected in the people who attended, but in the music itself.

That’s of course until you went back indoors where Digital Divide were closing the inside set-up with a bang. There was some premium house on display, which, if it had have been blasting out the speakers in any club in Brisbane, would have absolutely killed. All the elements were there for a quietly epic set; the floor getting into the dizzying heights of double figures by the end of the night, the smoke machine sputtering as best it could like heavy breaths on a Winter’s morning, the sound system struggling to keep up with the fine house that is being pumped through it.

Jack’d High had everything you’d ever need for a thoroughly good night out, a plethora of beats, beers, and bowls. Who could ask for more?

Salmonella Dub @ The Hi Fi, Brisbane (26/06/2009)

On a rainy night in Brisbane, the Hi Fi were playing host to two of New Zealand’s best exports, one who’s been doing the live circuit on both sides of the Tasman for well over a decade, and the other who was simply doing a gig for a $50 bar tab a few short years ago.

Thankfully the rain hadn’t dampened anyone’s enthusiasm for coming out and the queue was well stocked with soaked music fans. Once we were finally in, The Mighty Asterix was showing off his enthusiasm for reggae and lyrical dexterity with some nicely chilled out beats that encouraged people to make their way from the bar to the floor and sway along with him. The room really got warmed up as Ladi6 took to the stage alongside able accomplice DJ Parks.

The Queen of NZ hip hop has been touring with some of the best Kiwi and international artists for years, and finally, with the release of her debut album Time Is Not Much the fans have something they can truly get their teeth into when not seeing her live. Her attitude and flair on stage all lent itself to her being much bigger in the future; she has a wonderful mastery over her lyrics, and with DJ Parks backing her up with the beats, it’s a finely crafted performance that you can’t help but groove to. The fans cheered when she brought out Call You Out, a particular favourite from the album, and her vocal contribution to the Fat Freddy’s Drop wunderkind track Roady went down with style.

But it was new 12” Go Get It that really hit pay dirt. This bouncy little 2-Step track has a fantastic big band rhythm section and with Ladi 6’s sultry vocals all over it, it’s a smoking release that will undoubtedly be a popular choice when included in all of her future tours.

In the interim between Ladi 6’s fantastic appearance and the main act for the night, Asterix helped drop some drum n bass with the help of Paddy Free from Pitch Black to get people moving, including the odd hint of who was up next here and there. Soon enough the kiwi dub royalty Salmonella Dub took up their places and kicked off the night with an effects-driven reworking of Dub Survivors. Almost instantly the smell of something illegal was in the air, and the mood was set.

After a percussion-driven jam that ebbed and flowed with the skill of seasoned dubsters,Push On Thu was met with enthusiastic recognition. Love Sunshine and Happiness too was a popular choice, the chilled summer tune being infused this time around with a more DnB vibe than the mellow original. Their tour of the remix EP Freak Local was obviously allowing the band the freedom to play around with some older tunes.

For the most part this worked, but a divergence from the usual way some of the tracks were played had an element of roughness to them, as though alternative versions of tracks hadn’t been as ingrained as the studio versions. Having said that, the performance of title track Freak Local was played with an animated funky vigour that spread throughout the band and into the crowd.

Another DnB jam was called for and the band let loose with some towering improvisations, Dave on the drums really working the toms and getting as much funk out the jam as possible, and Mark slapping the bass with relish. The floor was bouncing and jiving (mostly) in time and having a lot of the fun with this fresh approach to Sal Dub’s sound.

The band slipped back into a on older favourite Slip n Slide, and finished with a relaxed and soulful dub sound that allowed everyone to take a deep breath and end the night in a chilled mood. The band benefited greatly from Asterix’s inclusion, his enthusiasm and authoritative Rasta vocals brought up each track he came out for and encouraged the people to get into it. It was a strange gig in the sense that almost everything played was a divergence from the typical Salmonella Dub sound, but for a band that in the past have been accused of not being fresh, can’t be a bad thing.

Outrage feat. The Bloody Beetroots @ Family, Brisbane (25/06/2009)

It was April of this year that saw Arcade Creative bring Sinden & Fake Blood to the Empire, the word of the night being sweat. They ripped up the place and brought everyone on a hectic journey through garage, electro and some glorious dubstep. After Thursday night at the Family, that night in April now seems about as hardcore as adopting a kitten. Arcade Creative had this time snagged The Bloody Beetroots, and those in attendance couldn’t so much be described as revelers but casualties of war.

As we ticked over into the break of Friday, the crowd welcomed Ajax with open arms. Getting stuck into his set from the get go, the grinding synth was working overtime and devastating the crowd with a dirty bass that almost shook the skin off your back. Ajax cuts an unassuming figure behind the decks, which made his hard house all the more impressive as he let the fast and loud beats speak for themselves. His buildups were tuned entirely to the crowd reaction and they responded in kind with some perfectly timed bouncing.

The admirable job the security were doing of clearing out the people who couldn’t handle the pace was getting increasingly difficult as the masses crowded in at the back to catch the start of the Beetroots, pulverising those at the front who had no choice but to spill out onto the sides of the stage. The crowd had turned into a voracious stockpile of energy and were chewing their own faces off in anticipation, and Ajax hadn’t even finished yet. So when he did end his set on a very considerable high, there was an explosion of hysteria, but they barely had time to applaud him off before they were screaming for the oncoming Italian duo, who were already holding up their kit bags in triumph.

Luckily, security were more on top of things by the time the Beetroots took to the stage, and were hauling out shattered victims of the packed room by the bucketload with well-practised regularity. The Family has never been so crammed on a Saturday night, so it was remarkable to remember that this was a Thursday. Even if the dancefloor hadn’t been reduced to make way for a floor-level stage in place of the enclosed booth, the building would still have been busting at the seams to contain the masses at this sold out pandemonium.

The Bloody Beetroots ripped the Family a new one, rolling the purest of trance, house, techno and electronica all up in a ball of voracious hardcore. They taught the insatiable gathering of lunatics really what it meant to go insane, how to pound the dancefloor and each other with their bodies and how to disregard all pretense of personal safety and let the music take you to the asylum. The Family isn’t going to witness a night like this for quite a while to come, the building is probably still a bit shaken up about what it had to play host to.

The rhythmical hardcore of the electronica buzzed with the lethal ferocity of Leatherface with a chainsaw and even when a relative breather was bestowed upon the crowd in the form of the Beastie Boys’ Sabotage, it was given a good going over and bent to the will of the Bloody Beetroots. Having said that, come 2AM things had calmed somewhat to a mere deafening roar and some 2-Step goodness was unleashed, the drilling snare cutting through the cloud from the smoke machine like a knife through butter.

As the 2-Step built once again into the driving techno the crowd knew and loved, we were wondering how much more the duo had left to give. We were soon put in no doubt that there was a lot more gas left in the tank. Tommy Tea crawled under the table to get at the flailing hands of the crowd and they turned into a ravenous horde, diving for him, wanting to grab a hold of just some of that insane genius. It was then that they let loose their most recognisable tune Cornelius, and only from the Bloody Beetroots could you catch the combination of atmospheric Gregorian chants with pulsating hard house and a mass of seething revelers screaming “Hey!’ over and over.

The Bloody Beetroots have been described as the product of a grisly union betweenThe Misfits and Daft Punk, so it was no surprise then that the latter were given some exposure in the form of One More Time. Only, where this track is one of the more upbeat and merry moments on Discovery, the Beetroots subverted and corrupted it with a searing intensity that ripped through the crowd and made the sweat pour once more.

They built upon that new found hysteria brought about by the use of Daft Punk by bringing out their relatively recent collaboration with Steve Aoki, the impeccably unyielding track Warp. There had been an initial fear that coming out so strong and pummeling the crowd with such staggering brutality would have led them to climax too early, but when Warp peaked, the crowd peaked, and quite simply blew the lid off the Family. The full capacity of the venue moved as one throng, as one of the best tracks to come out of the year so far tore through everyone equally, whether they were on the floor, on the balconies, or at the bar.

The crowd truly went ballistic and were left in a worn out trance until the Beetroots came out and finished them all off with a comparably mellow encore, giving out another little touch of Cornelius, but before it went back into a proper frenzy, they ended the night with an appropriately hyperactive dissemination of the 50s classic Shout. By 3AM I had to leave Danny T to work his techy breaks magic on the crowd; I was spent, and unlike most of the young’uns here, I had work in the morning.

This night will be remembered by those in attendance as resembling more of a warzone than a dancefloor. The shark pit that was the main floor was at every moment throughout the set, a rampaging multitude of crazed fans that lapped up the refreshingly hardcore beats the boys were masterly and unrelentingly dealing out. This gig had Beetroots, but if it had have been any more brutal, there really would have been blood.

Saturdays @ Family pres. Kid Kenobi & MC Shureshock, Brisbane (20/06/209)

There are two different types of hangovers; the first is defined by a solid kick to the face by an imaginary demon as soon as one of your eyes blearily cracks open and before it’s even focused on anything, your head has imploded and your brain is seeping out your nose.

The second is more deceptive and begins without any hint of pain at all. You wake up and feel wonderful, you get up and it’s a beautiful Sunday morning, the trees are singing and the birds are swaying. Then, just when you begin to think about cooking a mammoth fry up, something crawls into your head, defecates all over your mind before festering in your stomach for the rest of the day.

I only mention this to excuse myself from my fragmented memory of the night before; and to explain that the intended reviewer for the night bailed on us and left it up to a pisshead to pick up the pieces of what turned out to be a (no doubt) awesome night.

After stamping their authority in Brisbane when they last visited, the powerhouse duo ofKid Kenobi & MC Shureshock were back in the Family for another round of speaker-blowing tunes. The glass booth had been abandoned for the night and a stage was produced up front in the main room. Prior to the main event, Jason Morely was making the new stage his own with a 3 CDJ set up and a turntable being used as nothing more than a shelf for the next few CDs he was lining up, alas. By 11PM the main room was a hive of well turned-out bodies making their mark upon the dancefloor.

The Family always knows how to put on an impressive light show and the massive expanse of bulbs decked out against the back wall added a thoroughly disco feel to proceedings, even if what was stomping through the speakers was greatness of the more techy variety. What drew me away from all the pretty lights fanning out across the main floor, was an alarmingly unexpected display of what I like to call CockArt. An artist by the name of Pricasso had set up a little studio in the members area and was showing off the artistic flair of his own member, painting surprisingly good portraits of those willing to sit and stare at his tool of the trade for half an hour.

As mesmerising as watching a man paint with his penis was, when Kenobi and Shureshock came out, all attention turned to the stage. They came out strong, with Shureshock getting straight into and geeing the crowd up for a night of hard beats and heavy bass declaring that “tonight, this is your family!” Fending off bugged-eyed, teeth-grindingly enthusiastic fans who took to the stage, his performance was professional and did the trick in keeping energy levels in the room on a constant high.

The two have been working together for the past few years and they bounce off each other nicely, with Shureshock’s explosive outbursts timed to perfection but never overpowering the beats being thrown out by Kenobi. Some of his moves left a little to be desired, but nonetheless it was entertaining to see him almost poke some of the frontrowers’ eyes out with a pelvic thrust or two. The set itself (from what my post-hangover head could recollect) started off with the nicely accessible dance to ease people into a night that got harder and faster as it went on. One particular highlight of the night had everyone gleefully signing along to the massive Justice vs. Simian trackWe Are Your Friends.

Kenobi’s mastery of his set up and the tracklist he had fun playing around with meant the night went off with maximum amounts of energy and very little let up. The two make a great team and with their powers combined made for a great night, it would have been so much more memorable if I hadn’t been off the clock and making up for a week’s worth of non-drinking in one night.